She wants it to be a goth wedding, and wants her guests to go all out and embrace the theme.
“Does anyone find it in bad taste to have a wedding that asks guests to wear all goth clothing on the invitation?” they ask Reddit’s wedding forum. “Future hubby and I are both big goths (my dress is all black satin with a deep purple train) and we would really appreciate if guests went along with the theme. Is it too much to ask??
“They could just hop into a hot topic and grab a cute outfit for pretty cheap (if malls open back up that is…or maybe hot topic has a website for online shopping??) open to all suggestions (except all those that say goth is bad haha).”
Initial responses suggest it is unreasonable to specify guests dress goth for the occasion.
“You can’t dictate what your guest wear,” commented one Reddit user. “Not everyone is comfortable in that attire or willing to pay for it.”
Another suggested it may be more reasonable to request guests wear dark colours instead.
“I mean, just ask them to wear black/dark colours?” they suggest. “Everyone has that, most likely. As an Old Goth I am offended at the idea of being told to buy some cheap garbage at hot topic.”
Another agreed, commenting: “Exactly. Just specify dark colours which everyone has. Why do people need to go buy something more? Lame.”
One person said they’d consider dressing up for a goth wedding if they add options.
“If you consider it a themed/costume wedding I could get behind it,” they write. “But just ask people to wear all black as an alternative.”
Another agreed, saying asking guests to “dress in dark colours” may be more reasonable.
“Most people should have a pair of black slacks and a dark dress shirt,” they comment. “If not, should be cheaper than having guests try to buy goth themed clothes. Maybe grandma doesn’t want to be walking around with chains banging her knees. How about setting up a photo booth with gothic themed props?”
Another said they don’t mind the dress request but are more concerned with the language the bride uses.
“I was okay with the first post because she’s asking if it would be in bad taste and if it’s too much to ask and sometimes we all need to just check we aren’t being totally unreasonable,” they said. “But this escalated to ‘it’s my day’ and ‘they better show up in’ Gothic outfits… Yup, jumped straight into Bridezilla territory.”
One suggested: “If it were SO important to the bride to have this, she could word it, “In lieu of a gift, please arrive in goth attire. Your participating in making my goth wedding a reality is all the gift we need.”
Another defended the bride, saying theme weddings aren’t uncommon.
“Do you guys not have theme weddings?” they said. “I wouldn’t do it myself but I don’t feel like it’s uncommon.”
One Reddit user said: “I think what most people are taking issue with isn’t that there’s a theme but that it sounds a bit like the bride wants to require her guests to adhere to the theme. As others have commented, themes are just a suggestion. If you’re not willing to let your guests attend your wedding if they don’t dress exactly the way you want them to, you’re taking things too far.”
Another suggested a colour palette is more reasonable.
“What is okay is a colour palette or a simple colour that everyone has,” they write. “There isn’t a single person I know who doesn’t own one black, and one white item. But these are literally the colours of the bride, funeral in some eyes, and upstaging. But at a reception I went to, it was a red and white gathering and super gorgeous. So asking guests for a colour is fine but specifying that they must be in a theme that they don’t wear, may not be unless you decide to say no gifts this is it.”
The bride returned to their original post, lamenting the “hurtful” comments they had received and thanking others for their support.
“All I can say is that my goth wedding will carry on in spite of this hatred,” the bride commented. “In fact — it will be MORE goth than I had even anticipated bc of how upset/sad I am over all this. I will have a permanent scowl in all my wedding photos bc of this and luckily for me that will be on theme.”