I Was Afraid of Going to Goth Clubs | The Effects of Goth-on-Goth Bullying

 I Was Afraid of Going to Goth Clubs | The Effects of Goth-on-Goth Bullying



I know every goth at some point has been bullied by other goths. Since I didn’t have a goth community around me, I thought all the goths who were bullying me online acted this way in real life. As a result, I was terrified of going to goth clubs for years. I was afraid I wouldn’t be accepted and that I’d be chased out as a poseur. I hated the feeling that I didn’t belong. Now I know the truth and I’m not afraid to go to goth clubs anymore. I hope this video helps you.
Share your experience in the comments below! You’re not alone.

Music used: Darkest Child Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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Adrienne LaVey

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46 Comments

  • I know every goth at some point has been bullied by other goths. Since I didn't have a goth community around me, I thought all the goths who were bullying me online acted this way in real life. As a result, I was terrified of going to goth clubs for years. I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted and that I'd be chased out as a poseur. I hated the feeling that I didn't belong. Now I know the truth and I'm not afraid to go to goth clubs anymore. I hope this video helps you.
    Share your experience in the comments below! You're not alone.

  • I love your style you look very pretty in black you don't have to fit any labels or need anybodys approval to be yourself.
    much love beautiful vampire ❤

  • I feel like once someone starts strictly gate keeping like that, are running from something about themselves and dont even know what they actually like and enjoy for trying so hard to be cookie cutter and fit in the a subculture. Its really the equivalent of me not being black enough becauses i dont dress a certain way or twerk all the time. Oh, and im goth anf into the music and also love metal over rap. Its actual a real depiction of ' identity crises " only doing thing's because you supposed to only do those things 😂. And its giving insecurity and brainwashed

  • We have those jerks in every subculture/scene. I was big into skating in the mid eighties and all the clothing/music associated with it. This was long before it was cool and you got beat up, usually by jocks. But even among my other uncool skaters, I was uncool. Not the right gear, clothes etc and though I lived on my board, I just wasn't very good. Instead of teaching me, I got messed with. I get it.

    It comes from within and not off the rack or in a box. Be YOU the way you wish.

  • Pleasing talk Adrienne. You have taught me that you should not be bullied by Elitist goth bullies. To appreciate Goth is to delve into it deeper ourselves and select the music that attracts your tastes. There is nothing wrong with singing opera. The Goth subculture needs diversity and appreciation of opera. I agree that it is worth appreciating gothic literature. The Elitist scums would not want to know what it is like to be a Corp Goth. In future you can say to the scum goth bullies that they can stop acting like idiotic Normies. Better to associate with Goths that have similar interests and appreciate who appreciates the intellectual and the well read.

  • Gothic elitist are parasitic.

  • Honestly, what i really hate about overall any " sub-culture" is that it changes you into something you're not. F*ck that. being an outcast is kinda cool as you only live for thyself and don't give any S#!t to others' acceptance.

  • You made the rightt choice and as I can understand, you have crossed paths with the group that you feel inclusive.

  • I went through something similar in the same time period from 2009 to 2014 only I was the older one trying to fit in with a clique, yes, CLIQUE of younger 20s and 30s women. They called me a hippy because I was poor and couldnt afford the corsets and fancy outfits they wore. I hated it! To make it worse, they were all witches who had patron deities and cursed me with all kinds of messed up stuff in 2017 for calling them out on their snobbery.

  • Fussed with straight hair? Girl are you BLIND!? Your hair is STRAIGHT!

  • Bravo. Could not agree more with your assessment. As an elder goth from the days of yore 😊, I will never understand those that want to keep others out. The scene for me has always been about being far more accepting and open than the “normie” world. It always pains me to hear of those who did not have the same. Good on you for dropping the toxicity in your life and keep being you.

  • Jeez, Not enough makeup." Now I've heard it all. Goth oh Goth bullying? Oh either grow up or stay in your own head space, cos your missing the point of individuality!

  • NEVER TRUST A UNIFORM. You are what takes up space in your mind. I gave up on all this after art school and working at an art supply store in a big city where I found out-turns out- I'm not a serious artist and my musical taste is trash. Bought a pack of plain white ts and some thrift store Levis and never looked back. Be yourself.

  • Noo way! I had been wanting to go to The Mercury at MachineWerks for quite some in my military years in WA. I know it's exclusive and invitation only, glad you got to have great time in there. Maybe I'll visit Seattle again someday and get my shot at going in.

  • I am certainly a big gothic rock enjoyer, but since I prefer gothic metal and symphonic metal even more, I find this "opera is conformist" statement very revealing of a certain type of goths that don't listen to any other musical genre and never accepted the growth of this subculture outside the 80's club niches

  • Ah yes, opera is so mainstream and conformist, don't you see all the opera singers in the top 10 charts ALL THE TIME? /s

  • the opposite of the not goth goths , guess they wouldent like me as I dress in rags or like an pirate

  • humans are poop. whatever.

  • If you are anywhere near pennsylvania, I'd meet up with you to do fun and spooky things! Or even meet up at a goth nightclub. I enjoy your videos so much!

  • the Youtube algorithm brought me here
    so anyway

  • They're on Goth scenes where I live, ever! So I'm a lone black wolf around here 😐🦇

  • what zodiac sign are you?

  • I love how you take Goth to a higher level & express the richness of the culture 😎🖤

  • I'm so glad you survived the stupidity of these jerks. I love symphonic metal too along with a lot of other types of Goth or dark music. Hell, I love Johnny Cash cause he had a dark style about him. The Man In Black!

  • The double-take I did when those elitists said opera training is mainstream 💀

  • Wait— do goths actually say "conformist"?? I lowkey thought South Park had made that sh*t up xD

  • This is a little off base to most of what you said in the video. It's mainly a response to a couple of parts:
    I feel like a "Goth Bible" project is not necessary (if the point of it is to lay down the law about Goth, so to speak) bc Goth has no official CEO or president of any kind. Its just something that has, from its beginning, come to be, a bit randomly, through several different types of things and people, it just kind of developes and evolves on its own. In cases like that I feel it's best to allow the same process to keep taking place rather than a few people appointing themselves to decide what's what and spread those ideas like facts. I feel like that's another form of elitism. Any time we assume authority over someone else and then try to impress that authority without their permission, that's tyrannical… There are some basic facts about Goth for sure-mainly from a history of the subculture perspective-but beyond those basic facts no one really has the right to write the book on Goth. Again, Idk if the Goth Bible has this kind of purpose but if so, I find it troubling.

    I'm a Goth music person myself (Darkwave), but I don't really agree with the perspective of a lot of other music Goths that you have to like the music in order to be Goth. Knowing some of the people who are on the Goth Bible project I'm kind of concerned that this kind of agenda is going to be pushed. As you stated a subculture encompasses a lot more than just the music, and in Goth it was always a duo-deal: the music AND the style. Both parts are big and part of the subculture, so on that note, either should be able to qualify someone as a Goth. To say the subculture is purely music based doesn't make sense to me when the style always came with it. It's more like a music AND fashion based subculture. Especially after digging more into the history of the subculture I feel that way about it.

    Also I have had terrible experiences as well with online Goths. They said different stuff to me but it was still unkind. Like they get mad at people for not knowing anything and then don't even answer questions. 😫 If a newcomer says something incorrect they get dragged, made to feel like they have to apologize profusely and basically to all of these mean people…. Often times when I'd ask questions I'd get "Who know" or "Who cares?" in response. And they often answer questions so flatly that they never really feel friendly… It's a rough crowd online. 😅

  • What about neoclassical, I mean most death metal progressive tech, music is derived from jazz and classical. The guys who play the MUSIC ARE USUALLY CLASSICALLY TRAINED… Opera is incredibly hard to sing…

  • Hello.
    From Washington state too. I have to say when I got into goth, I did not have much access to the internet. In 1990’s Those I met from the seen in person out in Portland and such did act like those you mention from the internet. I would have absolute strangers come up to me and make judging comments and pick my look apart and proceed to grill me about my music interest. ( I believe because I was younger than them and could not afford high end look and could not possibly like the 80s bands)
    I met only a couple of people who were welcoming.
    I’m sorry you were bullied online, I felt this way in person. Eventually I drifted away. Recently I have come back to my roots. The internet has helped me discover so much, yet I’m still scared of going to clubs. I am currently experimenting with my self expression again.
    I appreciate your video, I appreciate knowing I was not the only one judged for many reasons.
    Please know you are amazing in your own skin, your self expression is perfect for you.

  • 19:35– You mean gutter-goth? Lol

  • This!

    Thank you so much for making this video! 🖤

    I (female, 36 years old) joined the goth subculture at 17 and had similar experiences. I was constantly made fun of, in a very toxic and subtle way. Either it was my body size, that I couldn't afford expensive clothes or that I didn't look aesthetic enough for the community. All this time I felt unwelcome, that I wasn't worthy of being a Goth because of all these things.

    In the early 2000s, I had a pen pal, also a Goth like me. We wanted to meet in person because we got along well and didn't live far away from each other. When we met face to face (we didn't send each other photos because it was purely platonic), she was visibly disgusted by my appearance and even ghosted me after the short meeting. This hurt me very much. I didn't do anything wrong- I didn't smell unpleasant nor did I act inappropriately, it was simply the fact that I obviously didn't fit the standards.

    Like you, I wondered how that fit with the diversity of the goth community, where individuals and questioning norms were welcomed. That just didn't fit together for me. So I turned away.

    Inside, I've always been a goth ever since I discovered the subculture. And a few months ago I finally 'came back' and decided to live again as a Goth outwardly, too. Fortunately, I've built up enough self-confidence as a now 36-year-old to know that this negative behavior doesn't make up an entire community and that I'm allowed to just be me. 🖤

  • 🖤

  • Being Goth means being yourself; a little black or a ton of black, a million piercings or just a few. Being Goth is what you make of it (check the Goth types walking around Japan) that’s why Goth culture was created… to rage against the machine which is the Status Quo; if we Goths are going to be damned, we’ll be damned for what we really are and may it so be remaindered. If you believe you are Goth… then you actually are! 🤓 (I myself am a cyber- geek Goth)

  • I'm not Goth but consider myself darkly inclined. I've always been attracted to the aesthetics and I listen to a lot of Goth/Gothic Rock/Darkwave. Many of my girlfriends were Goth and they took me to Goth clubs and for the most part (like 95 – 98% of the time), the crowd was very welcoming. However, no matter where you go, there's always that one elitist with the "you don't belong here" attitude. But that's wherever you go. Don't let it bother you my dear.

  • Damn how are they gonna say genuinely in one sentence how someone should dress/present, and then in the next call you a conformist for not wanting to change 😭 make it make sense

  • I never had the experience of being bullied among goths, some have told me that I suck at music production but that im a decent synth player and sound designer which is… still true 20 years later. As a 42 year old guy still into alternative culture and subculture I have seen the phenomenon and the best thing would be if the nerds in small communities would try to be as friendly as possible to each other. It is of utter importance to atleast try to create an amazing and loving atmosphere. Oddly enough the people that have given me the least narrow minded impressions in the scene have often been the bands or organisers themselves (hugs to Klubb Död, Patrik, Thomas, Electronic Force, Kalabalik and all the rest of you), like Totem, Agent Side Grinder and Kaelan Mikla (mostly chatted with Solvieg). Every time I get records signed by KM one or two of the girls run around with the album so that everyone in the band can sign it for me. I´ve discussed feelings and stuff with Johanna, Jimmy and Fredrik of Alvar and so on. I think people should just relax, enjoy their thing and enjoy the events from the bottom of their hearts. It is important to plan for the future, but each day might be the last so lets be kind and take care of each other. In the end, its a small DIY scene, and we have to co-operate if it is going to survive. Do that, save money together and book the band you like to your local bar or birthday party! 😉

  • Being glamorous and refined makes you not goth?! Sooo… goth is trashy?! Dear lord… I'm sorry you had to put up with these insecure narcissistic, definitely jealous of you or probably interested in you but too insecure to tell you, immature idiots.

  • Thanks for this. It's so nice to find another opera singer who also loves all things spooky, not to mention someone who is interested in the literature as well as the music. I've honestly never gotten involved in the goth subculture because of the toxicity I've seen online, but I do enjoy some of the music as well as symphonic metal. As someone born in the 80s I'm at the age that pleasing the elitists isn't a goal, but it's still refreshing to find someone's story I can relate to.

  • Angela is your Fairy-gothmother

  • Bauhaus, SOM and The Cure aren’t that good. They’re just really not. I went through the same thing as you in the NY scene even though I’m much older than you. I’m so sorry people treated you this way

  • Opera should fit right in with Absinthe, they were both very big in the Victorian Era where a lot of Gothic clothing, architecture and literature is derived from. Me, I'm an old retiree but I love the music. There are 3 musical era's in my life, Summer of Love sixties pop, late 70's early 80's New Wave, and now Goth/Post Punk/Underground/Darkwave/EBM/Synth. Only now with retirement and the internet could I discover and enjoy, when I was working could only access top 40 FM radio while driving. I thought real music had died in 1989 when the corporate music industry changed direction. Thank God for Goth music.

  • The punk scene has several elitest types it just sucks but f them just do you.

  • Just subbed. You made some very interesting points regarding the scene, and, as an outsider looking in, I can definitely see a lot of similarities with a lot of the old literary scenes and such from the 18th and 19th centuries. I don't know if I'd call myself a Goth or not (if anything, I consider myself a gamer first and foremost), but I've always been darkly inclined since I was a kid. I love Gothic literature (Edgar Allan Poe is one of my all-time favorite authors period), I like many different Goth-related bands and such (among a whole bunch of other stuff. My tastes are pretty eclectic), and I generally like spooky things (one of the things that kickstarted my interests as a kid was the original Luigi's Mansion on the GameCube. Unlike most other Mario games, Luigi's Mansion had a legitimately dark and spooky atmosphere. It felt less like your typical Mario romp and more like an Edgar Allan Poe story but with Luigi in it. Sadly, the sequels never had that same darkness, sense of mystery, and mildly macabre wonder).

  • Good for you, staying an individual, that is the essence of Goth, be yourself. I have always been on the Goth Metal end of the scene, certainly in dress. I don't have tatts or piercings, none of that makes a person a Goth, as it is more about the way you look at the world.

  • Wow I'm just discovering you with this video! Love everything you said, and feel so much empathy for what you went through. I feel very welcome here on your channel, and totally agree- we aren't non-conformists from mainstream society just to conform to something else. Thank you for your offerings.

  • Washington goth scene is the most pathetic thing I have ever seen I am from the east coast in NYC when I used to go to punk or goth shows/clubs there was even men in business suits that were completely and wholly accepted and welcomed there was never any of that catty shit like I have seen here and it was like a true family like people you could actually be friends with outside the club unlike Washington, people who would have your back. I moved back here to Washington after traveling the country and went to the goth scene here and it was filled with disgraceful predators and completely segregated subgenres, and really judgmental folks that were super welcoming at first until you started realizing that 90% of them were protecting so many really bad people, My husband and I call it the shiny toy treatment where everytime there is someone new it's maaaaagical but Please be careful I can't be friends with most of The Mercury people anymore there is alot of predators including a guy that was a DJ that is currently in prison for r*** babies and set to be released this year and I can almost promise he will get his job back and be accepted and I can hardly sleep at night knowing how many other horrible people are being protected in that scene.

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